Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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