I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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