dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
it's like heaven, but drunker
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
