Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
