I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
