I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
