new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
false alarm. still invincible.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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