Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
