She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
