dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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