Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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