and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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