I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
