sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
