Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I have aggressive nipples.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
