but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
