No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
