Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
