no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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