she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
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