I wish life had little blips of pornography
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
try to milk me bitch
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