Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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