i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
it was like eating out sand paper
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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