My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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