chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
