Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
