thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Randomize
