You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
