Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
