If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
