lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
