Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
