Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
