i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
