i already hear my dad disowning me
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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