your parents love me but you hate me
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
