Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
