Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
