He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
