It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
