Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I smell like Dick and happiness
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
