the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
