Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
