6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
