I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
