we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
