Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
