I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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