I must be too annoying 4 u.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
