glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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