Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
