How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
