Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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